Auxiliary Benefits of my Barbecue Quest

Over the last few weeks I've forced myself, with the help of several friends, into a barbecue boot camp. I realized that my time in Kansas City is coming to a close and I wasted too much time not eating the incredible variety of barbecue that this city has to offer. So, I've been sprinting, making up time to try as many restaurants, dives and joints as possible. Still, by the time I leave at the end of July I will only have visited a fraction of those that KC has to offer.

This saddens me because I spent three years here, and probably could have tried every pulled pork sandwich in the metropolitan area. It may sound silly, but I'll regret this omission for a long time. Still, I've learned in my quest for the best BBQ sandwich, and not just about meat and sauce.

Since I started this blog I've developed a more finely-tuned sense of taste. I take my time eating now where before I'd often rush through a meal. I pay more attention to my food's details, the spices, the preparation, the fat-content, the cost-to-portion proportion. I enjoy eating in a different way than I ever have.

This quest has influenced me at a more personal level too. I often become stagnant in the establishments I frequent, like many people do. Now I'm more inclined to try a new restaurant, to go out of my way, just because I've never eaten there before. And I guess this idea has expanded my mind a little. Maybe I sound like I'm exaggerating but really, forcing myself to try new BBQ has adapted my mind, switched it to a different mode, to a more curious, more adventurous channel.

Still, like anyone else I have my favorite establishments, my Cheers and my personal habits. But, because of this effort, the quest for variety of all kinds has become ingrained in me, soaked, infused in every morsel like well-smoked meat.

I appreciate that anyone reads this and I hope that some randoms stumble upon it. If just one tourist goes to a BBQ joint other than Jack Stack or Gates, I have made the world a better place.

P.S. I have reviews for Woodyard Bar-B-Que and Smokin' Guns BBQ coming up. They are written but my phone is taking an unfortunately long time to send the pictures to my g-mail.

Gates Bar-B-Q...ALERT: TOURIST TRAP

This is another makeup but I've been there a few times and it left such a horrid taste in my mouth that I could never forget the insult.

I've been to the Gates on Main and the one on Emanuel Cleaver Blvd. Most of this post will be in reference to the recent trip on Main, but I'll tell  you I had just as an unfortunate of an experience the first time.

"Go to Gates," all the locals say. "It's the best," they add. "The sauce is the best," they insist. They're either lying or just wrong. Gates Bar-B-Q IS marketing. The name is plastered everywhere around the restaurant. "Gates." "Gates." "Gates." And then there's that huge picture of the gentelman with the top hat strolling down the street. He's everywhere too.

I walked in to the dim establishment and to my right was that strolling man with the top hat who I had just seen on the wall outside. The counter was set up for efficiency with two lanes going in opposite directions which I imagine is necessary for the lunch time rush since people continue to patronize this place for some reason. Each time I went a steadyish stream of costumers strolled in and out, although the place was not close to full either time and there wasn't really a line. If you ask most locals they'll tell you that Gates is the place to go. It's just not.

"Go for the experience," they say. "No, they're rude on purpose. That's part of the deal," they explain. Well, if you've been ripped off before, you've had the experience.

When you walk in they greet you with a grim, "How may I help you," everytime, but they say it more like "Hey, go screw yourself." I stood back from the line, of which I was the entirety, and perused the menu. The woman at the counter rudely repeated, "May I help you," several times while I tried to decide what I wanted "But you always get pulled pork and fries," you may say. So what? I was trying to see if they had an delicacies such as cheesey corn or something I hadn't heard of. So don't rush me, I might spend more money.

Behind the counter were rows of various Gates sauces for purchase underneath the signs that advertised Gates catering that hung from the ceiling. Oh, and in case you were wondering Gates gift certificates are available. Did I mention they cater? GATES GATES GATES.

The meal came promptly. The sauce, napkins, water and soda were all self serve at a single station in the middle of the several separate dining areas. Nothing was on my table, except for salt, pepper which I'd need for the bland french fries, and an advertisement for Gates catering.

The luke warm pork was held together by three pieces of plain sliced white bread. The plain naked meat wasn't quite cold but it was getton its way and it had clearly been sitting out for a while. It was dry, stiff and thin, but not terrible when compared only to itself. The middle piece of bread, adding which can be a common method of BBQ sandwich architecture, seemed unnecessary here. There was not enough meat to merit the extra foundation. It seemed the slice was just there to make the sandwich look bigger.

Gates had three sauces available in squirter topped tubs, Classic, Spicy and Sweet and Mild. Honestly, I could barely tell the difference between the Classic and Spicy. The main difference between the two was how long the terrible taste hung in my mouth. They were both spicy, one was just a little more so. If I had to pick the worst sauce I've encountered in Kansas City it'd be these from Gates. These thin sauces were simply abrasive. I will add that I've had Gates purchased from a bottle and it tastes a lot better and I don't know why.

Now, you may be thinking that I just don't like spicy flavors. Well, that's not true, I do. This sauce just seemed to burn for the sole sake of burning and with that I have a problem. No balance, no cohesion, no creativity, just a single slug in the jaw. And not in a good way. I tasted an abundance of pepper and obviously paprika. The Sweet and Mild, which was aptly named, wasn't too bad though. It still had a little kick but had an tanginess to it. All three sauces had a lingering smokey flavor while the meat didn't  meaning Gates uses liquid smoke, the fool's gold of  BBQ.

The steak fries, which came in a substantial portion, were just an embarrassment to side dishes everywhere. They were thick, flat and prepared perfectly crispy, but they were not spiced at all. I had to douse them in salt to continue eating. Even worse, I could have gone to Sam's, picked up a bag and fried them at home myself. How do I know they came from a bag? I COULD TASTE THE FROZEN!!! C'mon Gates, that is just unacceptable.

If you ask many locals, who have grown up being brainwashed into the Gates system, then they'll likely tell you it's a must visit. It simply isn't. Gates seem to have been living off of its good name for some time now. I'd like to have tried it before it became a chain, switched its concentration to advertising and gave up on serving a quality meal. The service was lousy, the food was crummy and I left unsatisfied. Don't waste your time. Don't waste your money. Don't go to Gates Bar-B-Q no matter how many times you hear the name repeated. GATES GATES GATES.